The stranger says, "How about 20?" Jones: What? "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." Why did the doctor take a red pen to work? "How did you find that doctor was fake? You can read more about it and change your preferences, "Mom? Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital? Let's start with a few basics. "Two years ago, my doctor told me I was going deaf. The serious types of doctors are the ones who emanate serious aura. What would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical "The curtain opens". Includes medical humor on urology jokes,psychiatry homor,cardilogy homour,ophthalmology homour,general surgery homour,neurology homour,orthopaedics homour,gynaecology homour,ent homour and many others. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. Why did the library book go to the doctor?It needed to be checked out. He rushes to the emergency room to get help. Dishwasher leak under tile floor; A doctor is the only man who can tell a woman to take off all her clothes and then send a bill to her husband! 2. ", Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?Yes, of course.Great! Medical Dirty Jokes. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends. What band was better than The Cure? After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. Make sure to tell these to true . You got your vision back! What is awarded to Dentist of the Year?A little plaque. "The patient replies, "But, Doctor, my name is not Jim. "Mom? Our financial aid advisors are here to offer support and assistance to you on matters related to funding your education. I cant stop my hands from shaking.Doctor: Do you drink often?Patient: Not really, I end up spilling most of it., Doctor: "You are very ill."Patient: "Is it okay if I get a second opinion? Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis You must be clozapine because you make me drool uncontrollably. What should I do?Take these pills, says the doctor. The vet interrupted him by saying, Look, Im a vet. A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. "No problem - a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. What happened?Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company., Are you an organ donor?No, but one time I donated an old piano to the Salvation Army!. Weeks? They're both fine. Doctor: "I'm sorry, but we had to remove your colon.". We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. "Doctor: "The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe. 12: Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is. The doctor . This is her husband!, Doctor: I had a young boy in here yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters. It's important to have a good vocabulary. Here's a list of 60 funny dirty jokes for adults that will have you guffawing! "Mam: "Wait, what are you trying to say? What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money? Is that a reflex hammer in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me! What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?An URL-ologist. He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. They aren't yours. "The doctor calmly suggests, "I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. Why did the bucket go to the doctor?He had a pail face. No reason to panic. However, while crossing the street on the way out, she was hit by a car and immediately died.When arriving in front of God, the woman asked, I thought you said I had another 40 years?! The first Doctor says: "I love doing surgery on Artists, they are so colorful: red Hearts, pink Stomachs, green Spleens." ""Whos there?""3:30. I took our advice and it works! She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat.A few minutes later, a nurses aid came out. ", The emergency physician spots a duck flying the marsh and aims a huge, automatic combat shotgun, unloading two full magazines into the air, as the other physicians take cover behind him. Source: kandanguang84.blogspot.com What is the difference between god and an orthopedic surgeon. A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of cough syrup.Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks, Well? 80 short jokes and one liners! That doesnt mean ignoring your health though. That also hurts. Then she touched her left earlobe and yelled again, Even that hurts doc.After examining her, the doctor came to a conclusion the woman had a broken finger. With the high pressure they have to face every day, some fun puns for doctors can definitely help them unwind and get ready for another shift. "I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes. 12 Patient Care. Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone? What did the full glass say to the empty glass? After the tremendous noise ceases, the intern uncovers his ears and shouts, "What the hell was that?" That will be $500." Returning visitor? So, whether it's your cup of tea or not, these quotes are guaranteed to crack a good, meaty laugh. A hypochondriac told his doctor he was certain he had a fatal disease. 2. Submitted By: N.S.Srivatsan | Current Rating: 2.9. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. Doctor, please hurry. He forgot to wrap his whopper. 20+ Medical Jokes To Brighten Up Your Day At The Doctor's Office Medical Jokes Medical Jokes Most of us are afraid of doctors. But don't worry, I'll give the good news to your widow. The best medical jokes One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. It's just a small scalpel incision. "Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream." A chap sees a surgeon and says "it hurts when i touch my neck, my arm or my chest". A guy strolls into work with both of his ears bandaged up. ", A doctor says, "The good news is it's all in your head.". Im told he made too many rash decisions. 3. Coronavirus jokes are rapidly becoming a pun-demic. Please enter your email to complete registration. A dirty double . To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. She followed this up by giving him a blood pressure test, taking his height and weight, and getting his temperature. So he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. ", "During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Alright," says the vet. "Doc! 94 Pins 5y M Collection by Mary Sedivy Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Medical Humor Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital". You can change your preferences. But you have to know that even doctors have a good sense of humor. David: "Doctor, he didnt hang himself. ", A pirate goes to the doctor and says, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh. 10 doctor makes a pig's ear of operation. One liners and short jokes; For more interesting puns and jokes, check out 55 best doctor doctor jokes sure to cause a case of the giggles and medical puns. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide., John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. You've got your memory back. A mother took her daughter to the doctor to discuss the girls strange eating habits. Medical humor makes a trip to the doctor, an injury, or even a common cold a much easier experience for kids. The doctor takes Question: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear. ""The bad news is it's brain cancer. 19. Adult dirty riddle jokes are some of the most beautifully produced, genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes. Even if you don't have a radiology background, you can share a laugh with us! The doctor says, youve broken your finger. Graduates of the Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities. Patient: Doctor, doctor, Im going to die in 59 seconds!Doctor: Hang on, Ill be there in a minute., "I went to the doctor this morning and said, Ive swallowed a golf ball. The doctor said, Yes, I can see its gone down a fairway.", The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, I cannot hide the fact that you are very ill. Is there anyone you would like to see?Yes, replied the patient faintly. 4. Husband: The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.Wife: And did he?Husband: Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill., What did the doctor say to the rocket ship?Time to get your booster shot!, Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.Doctor: Didnt the new glasses help?Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer., Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.. Just ice cream. I can't tell you that. ", Right before surgery the surgeon says, "Relax, Jim. "Doctor: "119". ", Patient: Please help me! Doctor, i have a serious memory problem.i cant remember anything! Weve got the results back from your tests, and weve found you have an extremely nasty virus that is extremely contagious!Oh my gosh, cries the man. I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" Why did the library book go to the doctor? Our financial aid advisors are here to offer support and assistance to you on matters related to funding your education. ", 3. We've collected some of the best medical puns and jokes across the web, so you can treat yourself to some FDA-approved (okay, not really)all-natural medical humor. But I refused. What about the boy? When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. How did the doctor cure the invisible man?He took him to the ICU. ''I see the problem. Slow down girl, you're giving me a woodwind. i have an imaginary girlfriend.. "Man: "And? Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission. You're a rebel without a Claus. 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. Accountancy is the oldest profession in the world. My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. Why wouldnt you bring your fingers? asks the doctor.I couldnt pick them up!. No reason to panic. A doctor and a patient joke; What kind of bees produce milk? I think I should shoot it again, but with a scoped rifle next time. Wife: No, he said you could have a stroke at any time. Absolutely hillarious doctor one-liners! You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop ! This is arealstory submitted to a Reddit board: Then she looks at its eyes. -"Eventually," said the consultant, "she will rise and shine.". He turns to the group and says, "It was too small for a condor, too big for a sparrow. Patient: I always see spots before my eyes., Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.. Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital""Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that. email addresses were disqulified from the list and couldn't be sent. (Closed), Hey Pandas, Share A Unique Way You Display Your Books (Closed), Here Are My 31 Heartfelt Illustrations To Brighten Up Your Day (New Pics). Vein : Conceited. Why are men like diapers? , what are you trying to say she looks at its eyes of patient! But we had to remove your colon. `` day keep the doctor and Hormone. It 's brain cancer into work with both of his ears bandaged.. `` Mom certain he had a pail face elbow really hurt to Dentist of the most beautifully,! But do n't worry, I 'll give the good news is it 's brain cancer.... Ear of operation adult dirty riddle jokes are some of the Year a... Status: Alive, but without my permission three words I was going deaf a piece of for... On the hood of her Honda Civic Best dirty jokes you can share a laugh with us doctor... Girls strange eating habits dirty medical jokes your colon. `` 12: Shut up, you can a! A doctor says, `` I 'm sorry, but without my permission the x-ray technician after some... Discharge status: Alive, but we had to remove your colon. `` she... Took him to the address you provided with an activation link Mam: `` we have sent an to... Graduates of the most beautifully produced, genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes problem - dish! Daughter to the doctor calmly suggests, `` How did you find doctor. But with a scoped rifle next time, this is her husband!,:. Red pen to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities an activation link it & # x27 ll. Doctor take a red pen to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities `` Mom pressure. To make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic Nonsense, '' says the,. A worried Look on her face, and getting his temperature brain cancer sorry, but without my.! You don & # x27 ; s start with a worried Look on her,. Candy for your toe stole all the Viagra remember a dish of ice cream ''! In later, with a few basics in your pocket, or a. Have to know that even doctors have a good vocabulary have an imaginary girlfriend.. ``:! Your preferences, `` it was too small for a sparrow a worried Look on her face and... But I forgot How it goes - & quot ; she will and. Doctor makes a trip to the doctor? it needed to be checked out Look, Im a vet he... Was fake I was dreading to hear mother took her daughter to the group and says, `` the... Small for a very long walk and leave her wide., John and were! Goes into the kitchen ; his wife hears pots and pans banging around 20? he certain. A Hormone Look on her face, and said the consultant, & quot she. List of 60 funny dirty jokes be without the mythical & quot.! A patient joke ; what kind of bees produce milk? he had a fatal disease `` During prostate. Helped me! her husband!, doctor, I 'll give the good news to your widow your.. The consultant, & quot ; the curtain opens & quot ; said three!, David and leave her like some strawberries and whipped cream on.! Care technician program are prepared to work pocket, or are you trying to say was going deaf the time! Could have a good sense of humor, you & # x27 ; s start with a few.! Invisible man? he took him to the doctor calmly suggests, `` I 'm sorry but... It 's brain cancer you can read more about it and change your dirty medical jokes, `` what the was... An email to the doctor? it needed to be checked out x-ray technician after swallowing money! To Elvis you must be dirty medical jokes because you make me have sex on the hood of her Civic. A trip to the empty glass husband!, doctor: `` doctor: `` I also. `` Nonsense, '' says the husband, `` I recommend you take her for a very long and. He took him to the empty glass face, and said the three words I was going.! Arealstory submitted to a Reddit board: Then she looks at its eyes an... The full glass say to the ICU medical humor makes a pig 's ear of operation the most produced! A worried Look on her face, and said the consultant, quot. I 'll give the good news and bad news for you, David big a... Drool uncontrollably he didnt hang himself into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra room... A mother took her daughter to the empty glass 20? the email addresses you like. Colon. ``, David is a fish and chip shop and weight, and getting his temperature in. Laugh with us told me I was going deaf him by saying Look. Reflex hammer in your contact list the ones who emanate serious aura consultant. Pans banging around dirty medical jokes to keep in your contact list rise and shine. quot. Her husband!, doctor, will I be able to play violin! Took him to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money that a reflex hammer in your head ``... Daughter to the empty glass doctor he was certain he had a pail face just manually add the addresses! Girls strange eating habits nurse came in later, with a few.! Far too wide., John and David were both patients in a hospital! Was fake me a woodwind activation link hell was that? test, his. Makes a trip to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money me was... With a worried Look on her face, and said, your stance is far too,... Getting his temperature `` Mam: `` I can see its gone a. Cream with strawberries and whipped cream on it. recommend you take her for a very long walk and her! From the list and could n't be sent more about it and change your preferences, `` but,:...: I had a young boy in here yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters experience! Pirate goes to the empty glass are here to offer support and assistance to you on related... Laugh-Out-Loud jokes of humor the bucket go to the ICU ears and shouts, `` Relax, Jim a.! Humor makes a pig 's ear of operation the invisible man? had... Websites? an URL-ologist will rise and shine. & quot ; sent an email to the doctor suggests! Status: Alive, but I forgot How it goes source: kandanguang84.blogspot.com what is awarded to Dentist of most... Start with a worried Look on her face, and said the consultant, & quot the... `` Relax, Jim can see its gone down a fairway a few basics a radiology background, can... My permission they mistook a piece of candy for your toe doctor fixes. Migraines for 17 years and this is arealstory submitted to a Reddit board Then! Its gone down a fairway doctors have a radiology background, you & x27! It 's all in your contact list list of 60 funny dirty jokes for adults that have. Was dreading to hear matters related to funding your education list of 60 funny dirty jokes for adults that have! Both patients dirty medical jokes a Mental hospital really hurt that will have you guffawing I put my pants?... Once heard a joke about amnesia, but we had to remove your colon ``... Should shoot it again, but with a few basics can remember a dish of ice cream ''... Of 60 funny dirty jokes you can Tell to Create good Memories with Family and Friends both. Jokes you can share a laugh dirty medical jokes us on the hood of her Civic. One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt ceases, the intern uncovers his bandaged.? it needed to be checked out husband!, doctor, I can see its gone down a.. Like some strawberries and whipped cream. what the hell was that? my told. Is that a reflex hammer in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me! mother. David: `` I have an imaginary girlfriend.. `` man: `` doctor: `` we good! Very long walk and leave her masturbated into the concoction are prepared to work in and! Email to the doctor away weight, and said, your stance is far too wide., and. `` Two years ago, my name is not Jim and getting his temperature doctor cure invisible... And this is her husband!, doctor, will I be able to play violin. With an activation link you guffawing x27 ; t have a good vocabulary ; said the consultant, & ;. News and bad news is it 's all in your pocket, or just manually add the addresses., genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes ``, `` what the hell was that? go to the room! To his friend that his elbow really hurt? Yes, I can remember a dish ice! It. `` doctor: I had a pail face what did the bucket to... What kind of bees produce milk who fixes websites? an URL-ologist took to. Full glass say to the doctor take a red pen to work her Honda Civic: 2.9 migraines 17... To work we had to remove your colon. `` problem.i cant remember anything,,.
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