You can make your feelings known without slinging accusations, which are a one-way ticket to escalating the conflict. Which of these items is named for a deadly weapon. In fact, there are a number of different styles of being defensive. See if any of the following types of defensiveness resonate with you: If you have a problem with becoming defensive, then you know that it can have a negative impact on your life. Weba. Being able to express yourself clearly and being able to listen well can help you avoid a great deal of stress. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. However, when emotions are too high, you can walk away or avoid the other person temporarily. By focusing on your values, you can shore up your self-esteem and reduce the need to get defensive. This type of reaction to a problem may be easy to spot. They are expected to wreak havoc with the Offensive Line on running plays by physically clogging up the gaps between the Center, Guards, and Tackles to prevent a running back from getting Webdefensive See definition of defensive on Dictionary.com adj. Explainers as an indicator of defensive attitude to experienced anxiety in young women differing in their styles of coping with threatening stimuli. Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn. Views expressed in the examples do not represent the opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors. We are hardwired for both connection to others and protection for ourselves. Consider only responding in a competitive or forceful way when there is an emergency, such as when someone is in danger or when there are serious safety concerns. And once youve composed yourself, its time for the last step. Defensiveness can be hard to recognize when it is coming from within. Below are some of the typical causes or origins of being defensive: In general, being defensive is usually the result of psychosocial causes rather than biological or chemical causes. For many kids of color, for example, its at this age that they start to come to conclusions about whether they can trust mainstream institutions like school, or whether they are being stereotyped. The simple act of acknowledging that you feel hurt, worried, ashamed, fearful, or insecure can help to defuse the situation. Defensive stocks as a group have a higher Sharpe ratio than the stock market as a whole. You end up feeling worse because of your defensive behavior. wary. Usage explanations of natural written and spoken English. To save this word, you'll need to log in. How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship, Why You Need to Stop Avoiding Conflict (and What to Do Instead), How to Be More Self-Aware and Why Its Important, misrepresenting or forgetting what occurred, settlement of the conflict is more important than the disagreement. The cost to our intimate relationships when we aren't willing to protest (whether out of fear, self-doubt, an impulse to people-please, and so on) is that we literally make it impossible for the issues in the relationship to heal. Motor vehicle collisions are the leading cause of death in the workplace. However, when you experience a conflict with someone whos defensive, it can negatively impact the conversation and its outcome. You are not behaving in a way that is aligned with the person you want to be or what you thought your life would become. Intended to withstand or deter aggression or attack: a defensive weapons system; defensive behavior. Defensive behavior is aggressive or submissive behavior in response to what a person perceives as a threat. Linda Carroll, M.S., LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and board-certified life coach currently living in Oregon. 'pa pdd chac-sb tc-bd bw hbr-20 hbss lpt-25' : 'hdn'">, defensivo, defensivo/-va [masculine-feminine], protetor-ra [masculine-feminine], savunmaya ynelik, savunma amal, savunma iin kullanlan, sur la dfensive, dfensif/-ive, en dfense, Test your vocabulary with our fun image quizzes, Clear explanations of natural written and spoken English. It gives your partner the benefit of the doubt, allowing, in the best of circumstances, for them to repair the situation with a simple, "I'm sorry. I statements focus the conversation on you and what you feel, and will help you make your point without getting defensive. To be defensive is to react with an overprotective mentality so a situation that perhaps doesn't warrant it. That is a strong argument that defensive stocks are objectively better investments than other stocks. How Can I Improve Emotional Intelligence (EQ)? As you validate your feelings of being hurt or feeling ashamed, and show compassion toward yourself for how you are feeling, you can also acknowledge the fact that you dont need to act upon the impulse to react defensively. Of or relating to defense. But what about in the moment? Defensive stocks are stocks that generate relatively stable performances regardless of the market cycle. Compromise is often the best course of action when settling a conflict is more important than getting what you want. Research offensive (ATTACKING) More examples. Think back to seventh grade, when you were still figuring out your identity and your sense of worth. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. In turn, behavior usually results from the feeling, such as being sarcastic, giving someone the silent treatment, or being critical in return. self-protective. Self-awareness is considered one aspect of emotional intelligence (EI). This type of reaction to a problem may be easy to spot. Learn a new word every day. Anxiety in and of itself is not a bad thing. Your response to criticism (or how defensive you get) can depend on a few factors, namely temperament, history, and self-esteem. Instead, acknowledge the feelings so that you do not become hyper focused on them. Defensiveness refers to both a feeling and a behavior. She is the author of the highly acclaimed book Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love, which has been translated into four languages, and she regularly teaches relationship courses based on the Love Cycles method at wellness spa Rancho La Puerta in Tecate, Mexico. Motor vehicle collisions are the leading cause of death in the workplace. Instead of avoiding confrontations with people exhibiting defensive behaviors, it may be best to understand why the other person reacts the way they do and how best to communicate with them. Keep this in mind for both yourself and your partner; it's always important to remember that we all have a variety of influencing factors when it comes to our behavior. A slightly awkward pause buys you time and, as a bonus, throws them off their game. Prepared to withstand or counter aggression or attack. Defense mechanisms associated with borderline personality disorder. As you become more aware of your patterns, it will be easier to recognize when you are likely to have a setback and plan ahead as to how you will react. Opposite offensive Defensiveness is a learned behavior, meaning that it can also be unlearned. Of or relating to defense. b. If a person is feeling this way, responding with further criticism is likely to end only in stonewalling or an argument. Citizens are becoming defensive and distrustful of their civic leaders as they lose all trust in their ability to represent them honestly and with any sense of integrity.. How many can you get right? David Susman, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist with experience providing treatment to individuals with mental illness and substance use concerns. distrustful. How can I manage that split second when its just so tempting to follow my instincts and defend myself? Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Teams using DTs generally have two on the field at a time. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. Problems are never solved; rather, it just feels like you keep rehashing the same issues. For example, your husband forgets to pass along a message, your wife forgets to pick up milk at the store, or your partner says something that inadvertently hurts your feelings. WebDistrustful of others. Some people consider emotional intelligence (EQ) more important than IQ. Once you have started to notice when you become defensive, its important to start validating your feelings when you are criticized. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. sive di-fen (t)-siv d-fen (t)- 1 : serving or intended to defend or protect a defensive alliance 2 : resisting or preventing attack defensive behavior 2005-2023 Psych Central a Red Ventures Company. The answer: make it through that moment by waiting to react. Reviewed by Devon Frye. If you want to further reduce the risk of the other person being defensive, add something to the end of your request such as, It would be a great help to me, or I would really appreciate the help.. Best of all, you can do this even without directly confronting the criticism at hand. Most often this surfaces in more toxic forms: by teasing or making snide comments, holding grudges, or by growing more indifferent to our partner over time. Therefore, if you can anticipate when it is more likely to happen, you can plan how to show compassion to yourself as well as how you would like to react. How do you physically and emotionally react to the situation and to other peoples reactions? Instead of feeling worse about having these feelings, try not to compound the problem. This is a classic for a reason. You make situations more tense and hostile than they need to be and it feels like everything escalates into an argument or a fight. Defensive stocks as a group have a higher Sharpe ratio than the stock market as a whole. We so often emphasize the importance of expressing anger and complaints, but seldom are we taught how to cope with being on the receiving end. Teams using DTs generally have two on the field at a time. This could be particularly helpful if you are experiencing defensiveness in your relationship. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. (2017). Defense industry, industry which manufactures and sells weapons and military technology. Say more about that. And then, use their airtime to take a few slow breaths and consider how youd like to respond. As the chemistry of the "honeymoon phase" shifts, a second kind of circuitry emerges, one that is about sustainable connection. Is acting defensively lining up with how you want to be as a person? Fourteen words that helped define the year. When you compromise, you decide to negotiate with one another. defensive Adjective. Opposite offensive Conflicting, positive or strongly held? Consider and weigh all viewpoints and try to reach a resolution to the problem together. Nglish: Translation of defensive for Spanish Speakers, Britannica English: Translation of defensive for Arabic Speakers. . Webdefensive 1 of 2 adjective as in protective intended to resist or prevent attack or aggression a defensive alliance among the small nations against the aggressors Synonyms & Similar Words Relevance protective self-protective preventive deterrent secure safe Antonyms & Near Antonyms offensive aggressive combative belligerent warlike militant An agreed-upon intermediary may also be helpful in resolving the issue. But we actually defend ourselves against holes in our self-esteem in lots of ways: we might trash-talk our haters, compare ourselves to people who have it worse, or go to great lengths to treat ourselves with retail therapy to soothe our wounded souls. Is a licensed clinical psychologist with experience providing treatment to individuals with mental illness and substance concerns! 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